3 X 2 = 6...

Happy anniversary to me,
Happy anniversary to me,
Happy anniversary to me,
Happy anniversary to me~

不能握的手 从此匿名的朋友
其实我的执着依然执着
与你无关泪自行吸收
不能握的手 却比亲人更亲厚
当所有如果都没有如果
只有失去的温柔 最温柔
(quoted from the song 匿名的好友 by 杨丞琳)

Dead old me...

It's been 1 month since. I'm still not used to life without her. Tried many things, but only compound to my sorrow. I'll like to think that she still loves me, but that's not the case. I've never been a fan of alcohol, and I seriously dun enjoy the taste of it. It doesn't help that after many shots, I'm still feeling sober. Do you really feel high after drowning urself with alcohol? I'm only feeling warm and sleepy, -__- pretty pointless for me. Waste of alcohol, waste of time, waste of money. Maybe I just need a new goal and start living my own life. Everything is too empty. I should start clearing all my stuff too. Too much reminders hanging around, not helping. I've been living in denial. Still believing that I'm attached. Time to wake up and start embracing singlehood. Freedom is welcoming me, tempting me with the opportunity to do anything, without feeling responsible to anyone anymore.

I do wish I can crawl out from my shell though, everyday has been a struggle. The pain still doesn't go away. The deeper the love, so is the cut. Pierced right through the heart. My Dera is gone, leaving the tree burning into ash.

我想維持禮貌忘記驕傲　
繼續做你唯一的城堡　
習慣就好　習慣就好　
是我選擇看不到分手預兆　
沒有一絲睡意的困擾無法治療　
習慣就好　習慣就好　
我承認我的偽裝是真的不夠好　
請給我多一秒
(quoted from the song 習慣就好 by 羅志祥)

Rain...

It's been raining non-stop. The cool weather simply makes me even colder. Times like these, you'll wish that there's someone there to hug and cuddle together. Great weather to sleep too. Makes me feel like lying on my bed forever, doing nothing, just let my mind wander off. It's pathetic though it's always the same images that's flashing through my mind, forcing me to be more emotional. Work and school have been a great way to keep my mind occupied, but like what my doctor said, I think I need to loosen up a bit. Perhaps I should take a break from work. Go on a few trips, grab a few drinks, sing a few songs, play a few games, make some new friends, do some crazy things. My system is haywire. I'm tired of wearing a mask and putting on a strong front for everyone to see. I'm breaking down.

窗外的天氣 就像是
你多變的表情
下雨了 雨陪我哭泣
看不清 我也不想看清
離開你 我安静的抽離
不忍揭晓的劇情
我的淚流在心里 學會放棄
聽雨的聲音 一滴滴清晰
你的呼吸像雨滴渗入我的愛裡
真希望雨能下不停
讓想念繼續 讓愛變透明
我愛上給我勇氣的 Rainie Love
窗外的雨滴 一滴滴累積
屋内的濕氣像儲存愛你的記憶
真希望雨能下不停
雨愛的秘密 能一直延續　
我相信我將會看到 彩虹的美麗
冷冷的空氣 很窒息
我無法呼吸 一萬顆 雨滴的距離
很徹底讓愛消失無息
(quoted from the song 雨愛 by 楊丞琳)

Comfort...

The doctor says my heart is beating too fast, faster than a normal heart rate should be. Yet I can't feel my heart at all. I thought I'm dead, but the pain and tears made me feel that I'm still very much alive. I need comfort. I need help. Whatever you have been doing, it's working, keep it going. Once it is crushed, and all my hopes are gone, everything will be over. For you and for me. More ruthlessness. I understand that that is not ur intention, really. Time is supposed to heal, but it's funny how I ended up feeling more pain with each passing day. Perhaps once it has reached a maximum point, it will start to get better. I wonder when will that be.

教我怎么能不难过
你劝我灭了心中的火
我还能够怎么说 怎么说都是错
(quoted from the song 爱要怎么说出口 by 赵传)

Drug...

You know it is hurting you, and yet you can't live without it. It just devour you bit by bit, slowly. You keep telling yourself to let it go, yet you can't help but become a slave to it. As much as you know how unbearable and miserable you are going to feel after that, the ecstacy you feel when you are consuming it is beyond what you can imagine. The body and mind are both corrupted. The last breathe is never the last.

Till the day you die.

Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words, killing me softly with his song, killing me softly with his song... (quoted from the song Killing me softly by The Fugees)

Sad Song...



I really like this song, 앵무새(Parrot) by 하울(HowL).

Life After The Break...

I'm having a terrible time on my own. I really have no one to talk to. Perhaps it is time I tell someone instead of letting it boil inside me. Time passes slowly, especially at night. The silence of the night is deafening. Radio doesn't help. The love songs that is being played only serve to remind me of all the past memories. I'm sick. I feel like I'm going to have a mental breakdown soon. I'm mentally, emotionally and physically disturbed. I'm depressed. I can't sleep every night. And if I did and awaken, I'll wish that I've woken up from my nightmare and that all that happened is just a dream. However, the truth and reality hurts. I miss holding her hands, I miss her kiss, I miss her hugs, I miss her calling and msg-ing me, telling me how much she loves me, I miss her smile, I miss her care and concern, I miss her everything. Everything. So much. Those days are gone... no more. How much heartache can a man take? Will the pain ever go away?

I really hate myself for being a nuisance. I'm sorry, I dun mean to. I'm really trying my best not to disturb her or irritate her. I wonder how has life been for her. Has her life got better without me? She seems to be coping very well though. I'm happy for her, but sad for myself.

I'm surplus.

那片山谷入口处清楚刻着伤心人的墓
那片浓雾隔绝了其实可以忘了爱的省悟
别哭 那片乐土是不是至少能让眼泪都停住
祝福什么都不再记住
祝福下一次总会幸福
祝福爱情的信徒 那善男信女别太辛苦
(quoted from the song 善男信女 by 萧敬腾)