Milestone...

This is officially my 100th entry. I've got nothing much to blog about. Just comtemplating on whether to carry on blogging. I started blogging last September. It has been 6 months since. Wrote a lot of crap, a lot of my own opinions and thoughts, some of which even cause ppl to heart boil. Haha... Oh well, I dunno. Exams are near, no time to blog also. We shall see...

I used to think that I'm a very creative person. As in I'm able to use different analogy to illustrate my points and is able to compose interesting post. However, recently I realised that I'm not as creative as I thought to be. In fact, I'm a freaking boring person! When I look back at what I've been doing for the past 21 years, I realised that I haven't been doing anything exciting in my whole life. I seriously need to get a life!! Time to spice up my life...

It's my life. And it's now or never. I ain't gonna live forever. I just want to live while I'm alive... (quoted from the song It's my life by Bon Jovi)

KO...

"Ding!" the match had started. 10 seconds into the match and a killer blow was delivered. There's so much power and venom in that punch that it was enough to knock me out. So swift, I could do nothing to avoid it. I was knocked out even before the first round was finished. What a waste... After vying so hard to gain the right to challenge the opponent, with so much preparations, sweat and blood, it ended before I could even put up a good fight. LOSER. The confidence is shattered. Not good enough. I need more training. Maybe I should just retire.

Will there ever be a chance for a rematch? I wonder...

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say. I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way... (quoted from the song I'm not okay (I promise) by My Chemical Romance)

A special day...

Shall remember this day.
326.
3 times 2 equals to 6!
So easy... haha!
I'm going crazy.
Ignore me...

用暖意 领我飞扬 闪开忧郁
你给我 随时被守护 那种安心
在一起 经历越多 会越亲密
(quoted from the song 最近 by 张韶涵)

Oh well...

Is it just me?
I dunno.
I hope I din cross the line.
I can't really see the line, but I think it is there...
Am I wrong?
Hmm...
Respect is the word.

I've fallen.
Everything is just you, you, you & you...

Cause I am hanging on every word you say and even if you don't want to speak tonight, that's alright, alright with me. Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing. Is where I wanna be... (quoted from the song Breathing by Lifehouse)

Yours truly...

Everyday, everything, everytime,
you are the only one that fills my mind.
Every meal, every session, everywhere,
I ask you along be it rain or shine.
I've never turned you down, never made you frown,
only giving you the best I can ever find.
I can sing a thousand songs, walk a million miles,
just for a chance to see you smile.
No one ever come closer than this,
making me feel so high and at ease.
Every word that's said, everything that's done,
comes from the bottom of my heart.
I've never meant to hurt, and never lied to you,
all my actions and words are real.
Your presence mean the world to me,
giving me warmth and peace within.
Yet I may not be the best person you are looking for,
nor can I give you everything that you wish for,
but this I can promise you,
a sincere heart that will never fade, one that's forever yours to keep...

我想就这样牵着妳的手不放开
爱能不能够永远单纯没有悲哀
我 想带妳骑单车 我 想和妳看棒球
心意 想这样没担忧 唱着歌 一直走
(quoted from the song 简单爱 by 周杰伦)

Nothing...

For the first time, I'm actually feeling like this. I wonder what happened. I shdn't be feeling this, it shd have been the opposite. Perhaps it is a mix of disappointment and helplessness that causes it. I suppose I'm asking for too much. I've got no rights in the first place. There's like an invisible wall that prevents me from doing what I want. Or perhaps... this isn't what I expected in the first place. I'm simply too used to certain things.

Another thing that I realised is that I'm really not in the position to do or say certain things. I discovered that recently, and was reminded again yesterday. Some things are not meant to be known to others; some words are only meant to be siad to somebody; some things shd only be done for somebody; and sometimes, you dun have to worry so much for someone. There's a line that distinguishes the right person, right place, and the right time. Better to know my own limits. I've received enough reminders and clues to know that things ain't what it seems. I care too much abt perfection and fear the outcome. Haha... take it easy dude~. Nothing is for sure. Things changes.

Anyway, celebrated Patrick's 23rd birthday on Sunday with the "brothers". Established since 10 years ago and still going strong. These are the bunch of ppl who been thru all the shit, fun, work and studies with me...haha. Had lunch at Lei Garden, followed by shopping around Bugis. It has been ages since I last shopped for clothes. Ended the celebration with a birthday cake which we consumed in Mac. It is always fun gg out with these guys. When you put a bunch of crappers of different style together, you'll get a basket full of crap, free style! Haha! Come on guys, let's meet up more often after exams!

我不敢要求 那会是一个什么样的故事
看着你的眼 幸福的感觉 希望你的出现可以永远
爱 最好不要停摆 就算是一阵风 也要让它飘进我的心中
爱 最好不要停摆 就算是一场梦 一直睡没有醒来的时候
(quoted from the song 爱不要停摆 by 张震岳)

Boggle or boogle?

The highlights of the hall dinner that we had wasn't the various performances that was put on stage. In my opinion, most of them were really bad. The highlights were actually the awards and medals presentation and the hall video. After waiting for so long, I thought I can finally lay my hands on the gold medal that the boggle team won. However, there's some error in printing and we can only receive the medal at a later date. "Boggle" is spelled as "boogle" on the medal, as if it is some 'nose shit' competition that we won. Urgh~.

The hall video was actually very good. It paid tribute to the JCRCs and the hall players who managed to help hall 3 win the overall champion. It also showed the various hall events that took place and the strong bonds that is fostered by the hall threeians from all these events and competitions. It is very much like a walk down memory lane, slowly looking back at all the things, the sweat and hardwork that was contributed that made everything a success. Really quite touching. Reminded me of the many hours spent training and planning. Come to think of it, as I'm a social sub commer, and is in choir and drama, I'm actually involved in almost all of the events organised. Really touched my heart and disturbed my mind when I saw the clip. Wow... I'm actually so involved in hall activities! No wonder my grades are like shit. Damn.

The clip is still not perfect though. It touched on all the sports and recreational games except for boggle. As for the activities, it missed out on Special Production also. Sigh~. To think the boggle team actually trained so hard for so many nights, from 8pm to 2-3am for 3 nights a week, and even won the gold medal during Hall Olympia. Seems like no one really bothers abt boggle. See... spell also spell wrongly. KNS. This brings me to an interesting point. Do I still want to join boggle next year?

So am I still waiting, for this world to stop hating? Can't find a good reason, can't find hope to believe... (quoted from the song Still waiting by Sum 41)

Like a stone...

I guess I'm really getting real numb. Used to be very sensitive to things happening and ppl's feelings, but now... sigh~. Used to be able to write poetic stuff and is very expressive of myself, but now nothing seems to come to my mind at all even though I really want to write something. I just can't piece my words together, dunno why. It seems so difficult for me to produce anything nowadays. Has my creativity runs dry? Or am I losing all my senses? I can't write anything that may give the wrong idea also. Perhaps it's time I stop blogging. Reaching my 100th entry soon. It might be a gd idea to stop my pen there. As promised to someone, I'll write something special before I 'retire'.

See the truth all around. Our faith can be broken and our hands can be bound. But open our hearts and fill up the emptiness, with nothing to stop us. Is it not worth the risk?... (quoted from the song Our lives by the calling)

A nice song...

需要一点勇气 来对你说对不起
他一直在你的心中 我还爱上你
知道这样不行 偏偏继续下去
怎么会有结果 是我想太多
没有方向 看不清楚 在徘徊
我知道我一定走不开
漫长的路 寂寞的夜 在心里面 哭泣的夜
你明白吗 只想在你的身边
我没有勇气 没有力气 真的无法离你而去
你明白吗 只想在你的身边 你身边 说爱你
需要一点勇气 来面对现在的心情
也许时间依旧 很快就忘记
知道这样不行 偏偏继续下去
怎么会有结果 是我想太多
没有方向 看不清楚 在徘徊
我知道我一定走不开
漫长的路 寂寞的夜 在心里面 哭泣的夜
你明白吗 只想在你的身边
我没有勇气 没有力气 真的无法离你而去
你明白吗 只想在你的身边
漫长的路 寂寞的夜 在心里面 哭泣的夜
你明白吗 只想在你的身边
我没有勇气 我没有力气 我真的无法离你而去
你明白吗 只想在你的身边 你的身边 说爱你

(quoted from the song 勇气 by 张震岳)

Emotional intelligence quotient...

Your EQ is

133 50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Really??

Find somebody to learn, boy you gotta love someone more than yourself. I can feel the fire of the city lights burn. It's hard to find angels in hell... (quoted from the song City of devils by Yellowcard)

Zealot...

Dunno since when, I'm starting to care too much. Hmm... and I thought I'm the most heck care person around, never bothered by most of the things happening around. Reminded me of my days in army. Almost being condemned in army for being insensitive. Well, it is not that I dun give any welfare, but I just dun really want to bend the rules too much and create unnecessary troubles for myself. Haha, but I dun think they understand anyway, for I'm always one of the 2 playing the "bad guy". Even when I give them any welfare, they'll think that it is from the other specialist. It doesn't matter anyway, I'm out of that place.

Why do I care so much then? People are old enough to take care of themselves. They are clever enough to come and ask for help if they need it. I should really stop being a busybody. It is not like I'm their guardian or whatever. I'm just a friend. I really shouldn't be doing things outside what a normal friend should do. This excessive concern over other people can be quite irritating. Urgh!~ Too much of something is always not good. The right amount will do. Obsession kills.

As much as I think I'm still the same old me, I realised that I've changed. Especially so when I was reading my previous postings. It is interesting to note the changes to me over the past 6 months. Confidence, attitude, ideology. Probably due to staying in hall and some interesting ppl. It's getting better.

Everything I know, and anywhere I go. It gets hard but it won't take away my love. And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done. It gets hard but it won't take away my love... (quoted from the song Here without you by 3 Doors Down)

The importance of finding a scapegoat...

Why should a person find a scapegoat? There are a number of reasons for doing so after I carefully thought about it...
1. You can attribute all the faults to another person while playing innocent.
2. Able to gain sympathy from people around you, especially when you are a good story teller.
3. Can help to save face, providing an excuse for yourself in the event you find it embarrassing to face certain issues.
4. Make yourself look good and noble, for you are strong enough to face everything admist all the mishaps.

Isn't that amazing? There's actually benefits from doing something unethical. Disgusting. However, that's the sad truth. We are always finding something to blame for anything bad that has happened around us. When you are late for lesson, do you put the blame on yourself? Or do you actually blame the alarm clock, the bus driver, your roomie, the heavy amount of work you have to rush last night... etc?? Haha... people always want to make themselves feel good. By shifting the blame to someone/something else, it actually make them less guilty. Self denial isn't always the best method to resolve problems. You need to really face the issue and accept that it is your own wrong doings sometimes. If not, you will never learn anything from it. I used to think that one can't be penalised for not knowing, however, I realised that if you dunno certain things that you are supposed to know, it may prove to be even more fatal. Like what I learnt from army, "assume only make an ass out of u and me". When you say it to someone, it usually refer to that particular person. The "me" comes about because of the repercussions from the wrong assumption. In other words, you are dragging innocent parties down with you. Better to get things right and find out what's right by yourself because you'll never know how accurate your sources are. When you try to copy answer from your fren and that answer is wrong, You shd blame yourself for not knowing the answer in the first place, not that you have copied from the wrong person or that the question is too difficult. No one shd be telling you the correct answer anyway, you are supposed to find out yourself by studying. Haha... how many people have be doing the right way? To learn from your own mistakes and do some soul searching? There are bound to be some dumbass who choose the easier option either because of ignorance or pure stupidity.

Do you happen to be one of them? How do you think the scapegoat will feel? Think about it.

Life can be so cruel, doesn't it astound you? So when nothing seems too certain or safe, let it burn through you... (quoted from the song Run baby run by Garbage)

ELITE...

Most ppl are shocked when I told them I'm not a good cyclist, I dunno why. However, that's the truth!! I only picked up cycling last April, when I went Pulau Ubin with my army frens. Not exactly the best place to learn how to cycle because of the bumpy terrain, but my cycling skill did managed to improve quite a lot I think..haha. The second time I cycled was last Friday. Guess what? 2nd attempt only and I'm cycling on the roads. Took part in the night cycling event, ELITE, organised by my hall. Had a very shaky start, took a while for me to get accostumed to riding bicycle again. So bad that I thought there was something wrong with the bike. Haha, actually it was just me. Fall out not too long after riding out from NTU. Deniece was very nice to let me sit in the vehicle while she helped me test the bike. Sitting in the vehicle was very different from riding the bike. It was damn boring!! I wonder how the 4 gals sitting at the back managed to endure and survive the whole trip....haha.

After we finish resting at the first checkpoint, I told deniece that I wanted to carry on riding. Zheng Guo was another kind soul. He let me use his bike which was very easy to handle, no need to change the gear at all. Seriously, I dunno how the gear thingy function. I think it is a combination of getting the hang of it and that the bike was good, I dun have any problem after that, and we cycled all the way from West Coast to Lau Pa SA, to Cosy Bay, and then to East Coast. Cycled from 12am to 6am, cycle until balls pain. Damn.

It had been quite an enjoyable ride. Met some interesting and nice ppl, gained a good experience riding at night, and I think my cycling skill went up one notch. However, it could have been better if not for the hiccup at the beginning. Supposed to start at 9pm, but in the end, we only leave at 12am. 3 hours delay!! Wait until damn bored and sleepy. Luckily someone brought cards, at least got some form of entertainment. Managed to maintain my 100% winning streak for bridge also.. haha! Hmm... maybe I should join bridge IHG next year. I also realised that cycle is actually quite fun. Shall go cycling one of these days.


"Cards group"...

First stop, MacDonalds at West coast...

Group D/E, just before we left Mac...

Yummy King!! Hah.. the dessert stall auntie shd put this pic at her stall, sure attract customers!!

All feeling shagged at Cosy Bay...

At the bridge before the last leg...

That's the start, the middle, and the end. Aren't you glad the universe pretends if I don't get this message home. Once again I'm gonna head along. Ride with me... (quoted from the song Ride by The Vines)

Impression...

No matter what you do, no matter where you go, you'll hear about the importance of having a good first impression. A good first impression certainly score points and aids you in possible future meetings. It gives you an edge over others whom a person thinks more lowly. However, is it right to judge a person based on just the first impression? I dun think so. In fact, one shd never judge another person or even scold another person unless one knows the person very well or fully understand the whole situation. There's always 2 side to a coin. Never make any judgement or conclusion unless you've heard or knew about the full picture from both sides. How often has misunderstandings and conflicts result from miscommunications and misinterpretations? Have we ever sat down to find out the truth from both sides before taking any stand? Usually that's not the case. People only like to hear what they want to hear. Impression is formed from the moment a sentence is made. No one cares about why the statement is made, how it is made, whom it is addressing, the person's feeling when forming the sentence and the reason for making that statement. Reminded me so much of the subject Understanding Chinese Cinema. Like what the lecturer says, there's no right or wrong, it is a matter of how you perceive things, of course, there must be reasons to support your stand. How interesting. The moment a sentence is formed, usually the first thing that comes to ppl mind is that whether the person is refering to himself/herself. The person will always think of the worst possible scenerio. Take for instance, when i type "enough already", will you be thinking that I'm saying I've had enough of someone? Or that something is already full, no need for anymore? It could mean a lot more things, however, most ppl will think that it is the former. Hmm... it might be due to the fact that most ppl have low self esteem, so they'll usually think of the bad things first?? Oh well, as such, I decided to not be bothered too much by such things and will go and ask the person myself what he/she meant exactly. Better to clear any doubts then to let your thoughts run wild. Assumptions may only make things worse. Either that, or just dun care about the whole thing. Ignorance is bliss. Somethings are better left unknown. One can't be faulted for not knowing.

I must say, I'm no saint myself. I've made lots mistakes in my life, and I'm not as pure and good as I thought I am. However, everyone makes mistakes. Therefore, one shd learn to be more forgiving, understanding, and to constantly do some self reflections. And remember, there's ALWAYS 2 sides to a story. I've learnt that to save yourself from looking like a fool or feel guilty about wronging anyone, it is always good to get your facts right before making any judgement, if not, you might misunderstand another person, and possibly risk losing a fren.

Everybody's got their problems. Everybody says the same thing to you. It's just a matter how you solve them. And knowing how to change the things you've been through... (quoted from the song The hell song by Sum 41)

Dare...

I was getting real sick and tired of my life. Needed some excitement, some adrenaline rush to get me hyped up. Been slacking and wasting my life away recently till I found something worth my dedication. I had been feeling quite hollow for a while. I thought I'm really losing all my senses. All the activities that kept me busy doesn't captivate me enough. However, some dramatic change of events made me realised that I'm human afterall, the heart doesn't just keeps me alive, it also keeps me awake. Set me thinking through the many nights about what I really want. I tried to find myself a reason, but seriously, do I really need to have a reason? It was kinda unexplained. The past one month has witnessed the most volatile mood swing I've ever had. Haha.. some of my frens thought I'm gonna die of depression in one stage. Well, I got over it, and I thank my frens for trying to cheer me up. Really appreciate it. I believe I got stronger both emotionally and mentally. Suddenly found the motivation and nerve to do things which most ppl wouldn't dare to do. Perhaps a side of me had always been wanting to come out, and I never realise it until then. Sometimes I dun even understand myself. Too much reserves were holding me back in the past. Always tied down by my own conservations and rules. There's a fine line between being stubborn and being a blockhead. There's also a difference between pure arrogance and over confidence. How much sacrifice will you be willing to make for that unattainable dream of yours? What is the threshold tolerance of a man? And how do you actually measure a man?

I'm still trying to figure out...

You've got to press it on you. You just think it. That's what you do, baby. Hold it down, DARE... (quoted from the song Dare by Gorillaz)

Dress to kill??

Not for the first time, someone is surprised when I dress a bit more formal. Seems like my image is fixed. I'm supposed to dress sloppily. People only recognise me when I dress like I'm going to the market. Not that I dun have clothes ok~, just that I dun see a need to actually dress up. I got kinda annoyed when someone asked me if the shirt I'm wearing belongs to me or my roommate. Duh~, the shirt is MINE!! And I've got a lot more, just that I dun wear them to school or to classes. I'm not so poor such that I can't even afford to buy clothes to wear ok~. I'm studying engineering, my school is not NBS, so I dun have to go on a fashion parade everyday. I'm too lazy anyway.

Well, I still remember that ppl from my hall dun even recognises me. Other than those from my OG, almost all of them asked me if I attended OC or D&D. Erm... of cos I did. I was even on stage. Apparently, they din know that I was one of the performers...haha. Even fellow performer also can't recognise me... haiz. Do I really look very different? Hmm...

I was quite reluctant to go today actually, but since I got the green light from someone, well, just give it a try and see how. I figured that they'll probably teach me how to groom and present myself if I got in. Meaning that I'll have to change my style. Hmm... it'll be quite an experience though, but I dunno if I'll be able to commit. Shall see what happens next before I think about my next course of action.

You can look, but you can't touch. I don't think I like you much. Heaven knows what a girl can do, heaven knows what you've got to prove. I think I'm paranoid and complicated. I think I'm paranoid. Manipulate it... (quoted from the song I think I'm paranoid by Garbage)