Friends or foes?

There's a chinese saying that says that at home, you rely on ur parents; outside, you rely on your friends. So basically, one should make more friends to know more pillars. However, is there really a need for so many friends? Does having more friends mean you can be successful in life? Having more friends can be advantageous in the sense that when you need help in certain areas, you have more connections and can get the things and info needed more easily and promptly. Even when you are feeling bored, sad, or happy, there's someone who can listen and entertain you. However, this can also mean you share the same probability of being asked to help and entertain them. There are people who are selective in making friends. They look for people who they think will be of advantage to them and try to befriend them. How will you know if that friend of yours actually treat you as a friend and not as a tool? Is there a way to actually test that person out? Hard to tell.

How do you classified your friends? Let's imagine a scenerio. You are trapped in a pit that is 10 metres deep in a deserted area. There's no one around you except a friend who is outside the pit. There's a rope and a your wallet outside the pit also. You injured your limbs due to the fall. What will your friend do?

Hi-bye friends: Take a look at how deep the pit is and thank God that he is not the one who falls into it. Then he wishes you good luck and maybe calls for help.
Verdict- Virtually non-existant. You are lucky he never takes your wallet.

'Friend': Pretend that he never sees you, then takes your wallet and run away.
Verdict- Get a new wallet and a new friend.

True friend: Called for help. Then ask you to hang in there while he drops the rope down to you, getting ready to pull you up.
Verdict- A good friend. Tried to help but can actually do better. Most of the close friends belong to this category.

Best friend: Called for help. Tied the rope to something, descends down the pit with the rope, then attempt to carry you up.
Verdict- One who will go thru thick and thin with you. Even if he doesn't succeed in carrying you out the pit, at least he kept you accompanied and he tried hard enough. Haha.. but this kind is damn hard to find.

Do you have the time to listen to me whine about nothing and everything all at once? I am one of those melodramatic fools, neurotic to the bone no doubt about it... (quoted from the song Basket case by Greenday)

Resistance...

During my period of isoationism, many thoughts came into my mind. One of them is about the meaning of resistance.

The human heart is fickle. We do things that is contrary to what we have set out to do. Despite the protest of the mind, the heart has the power to veto the decision. One needs a heart of steel and a determined mind to successfully repel any submission. This power to choose and think analytically is supposed to be the one thing that differentiate us human from animals. We make rational choices, we have discipline and we use our brains more than any other animals. However, how many times have we succumbed to temptations despite knowing what is detrimental to us? Do you always abide by the rules and follow the teachings ingenuously? Sometimes, even the cheesiest of reasons can persuade and convince one to act irrationally. By then, one has to evaluate whether is that any point in putting up any form of resistance. As the saying goes, if you can't beat them, join them. Should you really join them? Ethically, I dun think so. No matter how adverse a situation may be, one's own beliefs should still stand. Even if I shall fall, my pride and grace shall hold.

Someone finds salvation in everyone and another only fame. Someone tries to hide themselves down inside their selfish brain. Someone swears his true love until the end of time, another runs away. Separate or united? Healthy or insane? (quoted from the song Be yourself by Audioslave)

Isolationism...

I guess I wun be blogging for a while. I need to sort myself out. Dun think I'll be gg online on msn also. I need to stay away. I should have already buried my heart since the day I drew the line. I'm contradicting myself.
Call me if you want to find me or you can leave me a msg in my tag board.

It's holding me, morphing me, and forcing me to strive to be endlessly cold within and dreaming I'm alive... (quoted from the song Hysteria by Muse)

Practical joke...

Did something fun yesterday, haha, just wanna share. While my roomie and I walked past the carpark, we found out that one of our mutual fren, K, forgot to lock his car. Upon seeing that, my roomie immediately thought of playing a trick on him. He took away his cash card, shades, cushion, audio player and porn magazines. Yes, you din see wrongly, I typed porn magazines. Hahaha, imported from Australia, dun ask me how he got it or whether nice or not, I only read one page. While he was doing that, An idea struck me. I remember when I was in secondary school, my frens pushed our disciplinary master's car from one end of the sch to the other end. Damn stupid, in the end they all served detention for 1 week. So guess what? I suggested that to my roomie and the next moment we were pushing our fren's vehicle to the other side of the carpark. Hahaha!! Damn funny! We even covered the car license plate to deter him from finding it easily. After that, we went back to our room pretending that everything was normal.

An hour later, K discovered that his car was gone and almost wanted to call the police. My roomie then tell him the whole story. K was damn pissed, his reaction was worse than what we had expected. However, they managed to resolve it and apologised to one another after that. Haha, I'm sure K will remember to lock his car from now onwards. We had only wanted to teach him a lesson, dun mean to make him angry. Sorry, K! Now when I think of the whole act, I still find it funny. The 2 of us acting suspiciously, 'stealing' our fren's car. Haha, it has been a long time since I played a practical joke on someone. Relive my childhood days...

Knock down the walls, it's alive in you. Knock down the place, you're alone it's true. Knock down the world, it's alive in you. You gotta keep your head up through it all... (quoted from the song Original prankster by The Offspring)

Take your chances...

You have got to take your chances man! You'll never know if it ended up as a goal, but the truth is, if you dun at least shoot, you'll never score. Dun you have confidence in your shooting? Why do you keep passing the ball around? And even if you do, what makes you think that the other fellow will do a better job than you? Not everyone has the same chance as you. When you see an opening, just give it all you've got. Even if you miss, at least it's a good attempt. You will not regret. No matter how well you play, as long as you dun score, you'll never win the game. You can never find yourself in a situation where the opposition let you score for free. So quit thinking that they are going to score an own goal. Be a match winner.

The moment you own it, you better never let it go. You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime... (quoted from the song Lose yourself by Eminem)

Good movies are hard to come by...

Seems to me that movies nowadays are not as nice as last time. The only thing that is evident is that the special effects are better. The plot cannot be compared. If a movie attracts me now, it is probably due to the graphics and futuristic outlook. Even the love stories sux now. So typical, so meaningless, so boring. When was the last time I feel touched? Seems like a long way back in 1998 when I watched City of Angels. For those who haven't watched it, it is abt an angel, Nicholas Cage, falling in love with a mortal, Meg Ryan. He gave up immortality to be with her, but she died in an accident the next day while buying breakfast for him. Damn sad. I remember I cried. A movie doesn't need to be a blockbuster to be remember in ppl's heart. As long as it touches u or make u think hard, that's enough. It doesn't even need to have a happy ending. Life is cruel. A few other gd movies worth mentioning: Jerry Maguire, The Truman Show, An Interview with Vampire, Sixth Sense, Gattaca, AI, Edward Scissorhands and of cause, Forrest Gump (life is like a box of chocolate).

You've gone a million miles. How far'd you get? To that place where you can't remember, and you can't forget... (quoted from the song Secret garden by Bruce Springsteen)

Doom and Harry...

Watched Doom and Harry Potter this week. Yah, I know I shd be studying for my exams, whatever~

Doom - I haven't played the game before, but when I saw the trailer, I thought the guns and monsters looks quite cool. Sad to say, that's the only thing that's nice. The plot sux, the team that was sent to contain the threat sux and there wasn't much acting needed as it is just a typical fighting show. Although the guns looked impressive, they were all useless. Some of character dun even get to use their weapon and they were killed. Even the Big Force Gun, which I supposed is the most powerful weapon, din have any impact in the movie. In spite of the advancement in technology, I'm turned off when I saw that they were using torch light instead of night vision goggles. Seems like our army is more advanced. The ending was quite disappointing also. Resident evil is nicer. If you haven't watch the movie, forget it. Just play the game.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - The long awaited and highly anticipated movie of the year is here and I believe I'm one of the first to watch it. Harry and Ron doesn't look like their age definitely. Dunno if the same cast will be acting in the next series, but the 'kids' dun look young anymore. I dun really like this episode actually. I thought there was less magic and was less mystical. The plot wasn't that interesting either compared with the previous few. Somehow, I prefer the plot of the previous one, The prisoner of Azkaban. The Goblet of Fire also focus more of their coming of age and how their emotions changed due to puberty. Shd be a gd movie for those young at heart I guess. As usual, the book is better than the movie itself. Dun expect too much.

Had a slow stroll down town yesterday. Something which I haven't done for many months. To the movie gang: pls pardon me for being too quiet and walk alone solitarily, I'm just trying to enjoy the walk and clear my mind at the same time.

Here's to the night we felt alive. Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry. Here's to goodbye tomorrow's going to come too soon... (quoted from the song Here's to the night by Eve 6)

What should I do...

Do I give up or die trying?

What do you think?

This is probably the last thing I'm holding on to.
I need some answers.

Hold on if you feel like letting go, hold on it gets better than you know. Don't stop looking, you're one step closer, don't stop searching, it's not over... (quoted from the song Hold on by Good Charlotte)

Lonewolf...

Have I lost touch with the outside world? Why do I feel so disconnected from the world? What's the latest news that everyone is concerned abt? I dunno. Please dun ask me anything abt current affairs, I have not been reading the news recently. I've not even explore the i-mode function in my phone, it's supposed to update me on the latest news.

I realised that I do prefer, in fact, I enjoy being alone. I feel more at liberty. No restrain and no rules, just my own space. I can scream my lungs out without fearing that I'll disturb others, I can study when I feel like anytime without enduring the constant nagging from my parents, I can stone and mull over things without caring if other ppl think I'm crazy, I can exercise at my own pace and will without considering the weak, I can be selfish and have all the things to myself without sharing with others, I can do my own things without being disturb by others. Maybe I am antisocial, I dunno. However I think that unless you are doing projects or playing games, almost everything can be done alone. Nonetheless, having said that, I admit that I'm still quite heavily reliant on my frens. Afterall, they are the ones who entertain me when I'm bored. This is so contradicting. What I want actually differs from what I am. I feel like a lonewolf. One who is competent and able to hunt on its own, and yet belong to a larger wolf pack. Perhaps that is how all animals behave, they are inseperable from their main group or family. If I were to break away, I may not be able to survive well. I have doubts abt my adaptability. I guess I shd be more cordial and gregarious.

Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness? Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness? Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin, I make the right moves but I'm lost within... (quoted from the song By myself by Linkin Park)

Out of time...

As much as I wanted to relax after the exams, I realised that there is just no time for me to do so. Is this normal? Am I supposed to get used to this? I want to be free. Gone were the days when I wander around the streets aimlessly, lazing around, looking for interesting things... I hate all this commitments. Been feeling vex these few days, maybe it is due to the exams, I dunno. The only time I feel gd is when I finish my run everytime for the pass few days. At least I know I'm getting fitter. All the video games that I've been playing are beginning to bore me. I need more than just games. I need something to stimulate my mind and senses, I really need to feel gd. Apparently, time is not on my side. I dun like to stay in hall all the while, but the hall activities are keeping me there like a cage bird. I really feel like an animal in "animal farm". My time is used to entertain the ppl in school, and I'm not even fed or paid. I'm sick of this kind of life, feel like puking... I'm sure my life is more than this. Must make things happen.

Although I think I'm smart, my grades certainly dun justify that. Think I did badly for my exams again. Felt damn pissed with myself. I need to stop thinking this is like 'O' levels, I can't study for just 1 day and expect to do well for it. Perhaps I think too highly of myself, but I strongly believe that I'm above average in all aspects. Correct me if I'm wrong, burst my bubble before it gets too big.

Aimee and Sinyee wrote me a testimonial for my friendster account early this morning. Appreciate it, even though I commented that Sinyee's one is lame, haha. And to Aimee, I'll welcome anyone to come visit me, so dun worry, haha. May not have time to write a proper one for them, maybe after exams. Perhaps I'll write for everyone like what they did too.

Been listening to Jay Chow's latest album. Finally got to hear it after hearing so many positive comments from frens. As usual, the lyrics is good, the tune is catchy. Songs like 发如雪, 枫, 浪漫手机 and 珊瑚海 are nice. If you haven't heard of them, go and listen to it now! As usual, his pronunciation sux. If you dun have the lyrics, it is almost impossible to make out what he is singing abt. However, it is still a great album.

I don't mind as long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine. I'll be fine if you give me a minute, a man has got a limit. I cant get a life if my heart's not in it... (quoted from the song The importance of being idle by Oasis)

Survival...

Like a child who is enthralled by a magic spell that is cast upon, I venture deeper into the darkness, straying away from sanity. My heart and mind dun coincide anymore. The strong thirst of everlasting power beguiles me from my serenity and perturb my thoughts. Overwhelmed by the hunger to succeed, and the animosity towards the accursed, I'm sacrificing everything to achieve my ambition. I have been through and seen enough torment and repulse to know how cold blooded and brutal this world is. You can blame no one for the inferiority that is present from the day you were born. If you dun scheme, you'll never be able to stand on the same platform as the elite. It is survival of the fittest. Failure to adapt and you are out of the game. I'm killing myself and bending my principles to match these dogmatic demands. A new set of protocol is drawn. I have learnt this the hard way. It's amazing how ppl's actions and attitude can change so fast with no shame after realising you are more than what you are. This hypocrisy and exasperation spur me on, feeding me with the fuel I need to feel excited and the drive to excel. I'm thrilled by the challenges that awaits and the plots that are planted. My arrogance and confidence simply will not dwindle.

I will not die.

I will dedicate and sacrifice my everything for just a second's worth of how my story's ending. I wish I could know if the directions that I take and all the choices that I make won't end up all for nothing... (quoted from the song Crawling in the dark by Hoobastank)

How will it end...

Been watching Naruto anime and reading Naruto comic. Not to say that I'm attracted to the fight scene or storyline. But I just like the idea that every character has its own special skills and all are powerful in their own ways. The other thing that attracts me is the mediocre love story that the author tries to inject into the story. Those who read the comic will probably think that I'm referring to Naruto and Sakura. However I'm actually more keen abt Naruto and Hanabi. It wasn't very complicated, just that Hanabi like Naruto, but Naruto like Sakura. Then Sakura like Sasuke instead. For the benefit of those who dunno the story, Hanabi is a quiet and shy gal who adores Naruto but find it extremely difficult to even start a conversation with him. She blushes and her heart beat faster whenever she sees him, and she'll faint whenever Naruto gets too close to her. Can't explain why I'm so interested in that part, just find it very cute the way she feel awkward and act abnormally. She has drawn all her motivations and inspirations from Naruto and she really cares abt Naruto, as much as Naruto cares for Sakura. Eventually, I think Naruto will end up with Sakura, but I just want to know what happens to Hanabi after that. Perhaps the ending will be different from what I predicted. Who knows what the author is thinking abt? We shall see.

How many times has it happened that u like someone but din have the courage to tell the person? In spite of knowing that his/her heart belong to someone else, u still want to remain optimistic that perhaps one day he/she will take notice of u and even one day fancy u? Oh well.. the power of love. It can drive one crazy, cause one to be irrational, but it can also stimulate one to achieve great things and attain greater heights. It is great, but sometimes it hurts too much.

Dream away everyday, try so hard to disregard, the rhythm of the rain that drops and coincides with the beating of my heart... (quoted from the song Sweetest goodbye by Maroon 5)

Let go...

Let it go, the truth is known
There's no point holding on anymore
Let it flow, when you're feeling low
There's no need to hide your sorrow
Let it out, with screams and shouts
The rage and fury all compound
Let it burn, and you will learn
That perhaps now is not your turn
Let it fall, away from all
Somethings simply dun belong
Let it heal, so I can feel
The heart that has long been sealed
Let it bury, all that memories
So there's no need to feel any sorry
Let it be, observe with envy
If it really makes her happy

I've been thinkin' 'bout the meaning of resistance, of a world beyond our own. And suddenly the infinite and penitent began to look like home... (quoted from the song Stars by Switchfoot)

What should I make...

I've been thinking to myself. What is the one thing that I like most abt myself? Not my looks and packs, not my pathetic sense of humour, not my athleticism, not my singing, acting or writing, but actually my creativity. Only my roomie is able to tell me the answer that I wanted to hear. That's supposed to be the one thing that differentiate me from other ppl. I haven't made many things with my hands, but everytime I make something, it is for someone special to me or for some special occasion. Of the things that I made, 2/3 of them were given away as gifts. Although some of the things look simple, all of them are carefully planned and measured to perfection. All the things that I made are unique and original. I still remember that in army, I taught my frens how to make the 'house' piggy bank. All of them took just 1 day to finish making it. Do u guys know I've actually spent 2 days to plan, and 1 full day to make it on my first try? I hope u guys appreciate my effort. Even though my mum always threaten to throw away the bulky CD rack that I made in secondary sch, she always help me out by supplying me with funny materials like coconut husk, satay sticks, styrofoam, hardboards etc. She knows that I like art and craft. Now when I come to think of it, I feel kinda guilty. I haven't made anything special for my mum yet. Okok, I shall make something special for her as her birthday present. I will. It's been a while since I've made anything. I've actually prepared the stuff in my room alr, but I dunno what to make. Dun really have the time to make anything also as it is the exam period. After the exams, I'm gg to make many things to decorate my room in the new hall. Right now, I need to start thinking of ideas. I've made name key chains, 'house' piggy banks, 'sail' handphone holder, toy helicopter and car, key holders, book stand, baskets, CD rack, cutlery holder, photo frame and toiletries holder... what's next?? Really need to get my hands on the ice cream sticks again as it can really occupy my time, get my mind off other things.



I never knew that I'll share so many similar views with my roomie. he said that I never fail to surprise him. Haha.. he never fail to impress me either. We only knew each other in army, but we ended up becoming gd frens. We were in the same company in BMT, same platoon in SISPEC, same section in ASLC, same shift in SBAB, den now we shared the same room and is in the same course in uni! Perhaps this is what u call fate. I must say I've learn quite a lot of things from him. I learnt to be more gracious, generous, and benefited from his insightful views and extensive knowledge. He is a great guy, but sometimes he is misunderstood. He may be outspoken, but he is definitely not loud and spoilt. Samuel, u have been a wonderful fren and an excellent roommate.

And so I fall into the open, singing out your name. And when I'm done, crashed and maimed, I hope that's where you'll find me... (quoted from the song Got none by Robert Post)

First time...

First time I felt embarrassed, was when my Primary school teacher slapped me in front of the whole class for being too mischievous. I still respect her a lot after the incident cause I know it's my fault.
First time I played soccer, was when I was in Primary 4. I remember I scored on my debut..haha. Love the game ever since then.
First time I scored full marks for my maths, I promised myself that I'll score full marks for all my maths paper. I din get full marks the second time round, and I gave up ever since then.
First time I felt guilty, was when I caused my brother to fall, resulting in a scar on his forehead. I still feel bad whenever I see his scar.
First time I won a gold medal, was when my team won the soccer tournament in JC. I remembered that I scored the equalizing goal against the favourites after coming on for 5 mins and we go on to win thru penalties.
First time I kissed someone, was my mum actually. I can't explain myself, just felt extremely happy after she bought me a present which I liked very much. I was still young then.
First time I fall in love with someone, I wanted her so much that I almost cried. Now I can only remember her name, but not her face. And I've become a lot more numb.
First time I got my pay, was when I worked as a waiter in four season's hotel. I spent the money with no worries, knowing that its earned by me and not my parents. I realised that money is not easy to make.
First time I got a handphone, was when I was in army. I was using pager before that, but when I look around these days, even a primary school kid is carrying a handphone. Time has changed.
First time I killed an animal, was in army when I killed a snake with barb wire and my boots. I had to do it for safety, it was tranpassing our exercise site. Sorry, snake.
First time I smoked, was when I was in army too. Took a puff from my fren's cigarette, but din really like it. I wonder why they get so addicted to it, including my dad. I dun smoke after that.
First time I sang on stage, was during Hall D&D where I had to perform in a competition. It was an interesting experience. I din win though.
First time I supported Newcastle UTD was when I was in Sec 1. I supported them when I saw the way they beat Manchester 5-0 in a charity shield. I still remember Albert's delicate chip. It's been 10 years since.
First time I'm really proud of myself, was when I collected my 'O' level results. I trashed those who looked down on me and those who thought they were so much smarter. I was the second top student in my school.
First time I'm almost kicked out of college, was in JC when the disciplinary master deemed that I got attitude problem. I believed that I have been to his office even more times than his counsellors. I'm a gd boy actually.
First time I did drama, was in JC where I was the props I/C and artistic director. We had a wonderful team and great time together. Still remember that I was the only guy in the main committee, felt kinda weird... haha.

These are the special 'first times' which I had in my life so far. If only I can capture these moments. Things just would not be the same during the second time...

All that you measure. All that you feel. All this you can leave behind. All that you reason. All that you care. It's only time. And I'll never fill up all my mind... (quoted from the song Walk on by U2)