A passing shower...

Your eyes so bright you see right through me,
Your skin so fine you stopped my breathing.
I can't speak but my heart is screaming,
And can't explain the feeling of inferiority.
Like a passing cloud that's unpredictable,
You come and go with no destination.
The only thing that I can do is to follow,
Even though it only adds to my sorrow.
My heart has already reserved a place for you,
And I wish that you could only knew.
But in reality you and I will never be,
And I'll just let the rain falls down on me...

There's something about you now, I can't quite figure out. Everything she does is beautiful, everything she does is right... (quoted from the song You and me by Lifehouse)

Losing my senses...

I can't see beyond the horizon, can't spot the differences in between, can't observe the changing hearts of people...
I can't hear the beat of your heart, the breathing of my lungs anymore. I can't hear the whispers in the wind...
I can no longer smell the teen's spirit. Can't smell the fumes from my burning heart, perhaps it has long extinguished...
I can't taste the sweetness of victory, the spice you put onto me, the blood that bled from within...
I can't feel your pressence, can't touch your soul, can't tell what's wrong... Despite all the things and excuses, i still feel empty...

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there. Become so tired, so much more aware... (quoted from the song Numb by Linkin Park)

Are these the keys to my heart?

Hmm... did an interesting quiz from blogthings.com and these are the results:

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

I wonder how true is that.

And i don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am... (quoted from the song Iris by Goo Goo Dolls)

Depressed?

I find it funny that ppl can think that I'm depressed from the article that I posted yesterday. That one is not saying that I'm depressed, it is saying that I'm irritated. But it is gd anyway, I dun want ppl to know what I'm thinking or feeling exactly. I wanted to tell someone, but yet dun want to disclose fully. I think so far nobody is really able to distinguish and interpret the hidden meanings from some of my previous posts, only I know what is going on. Only one person is close to guessing it correctly.

For your information, I'm not a person who easily gets depress. And even if I do, I'll conceal it such that u will not be able to tell easily. Sometimes I'm just tired or dun feel like talking.

Oh yah, really need to thank Shirong for enduring my complains during canvassing...haha. Hope I dun irritate you to death. And I must give you credit for your determination and drive (be it pressure from above or from within), even though you are often disoriented while moving around the flats..haha.

Chain a waterfall to burn and wither skin, no one else will ever see. I'm watching you watch over me and I've got the greatest view from here... (quoted from the song The greatest view by Silverchair)

Love is all around, urgh...

Seems to me that love is in the air. EVERYONE is getting attached! The gal who always go to lectures with me is attached, the gal who always go home with me is attached, even the guys who always play winning eleven with me are attached! Ppl around me getting attached means that my circle of frens to eat, study and play with me hav decreased. Nowadays, i go to lectures and study alone, eat together and go home with less frens. Hmm... maybe soon i'll be left eating and going home on my own also. Haiz, what to do? There are 3 options:
1. Find more frens
2. Get attached
3. Just do everything alone

Finding more frens is easy, but finding frens that will join u in the activities is not easy. I think i know a lot more frens from tutorial, hall and CAC, but few are in the same lecture group, share the same hobbies, and want to eat in the same place.

As the saying goes, if u can't beat them, join them, maybe i shd find myself a gf also. But then, gf not easy to find lor. It is not something that if u want, u can hav it. Quite long never talk to my best fren alr, had wanted to call him, but i know that the first thing he is going to ask me is either whether im attached or whether i got any target. On second thought, i think i better give it a miss. Everyday i'll hear gossips and scandals here and there. Seems like it is the best form of entertainment in hall. Ppl can actually talk abt these things for like 4-5 hours!! It appear as if i got problem jus becos im single. Ok ok, i can't sing, can't act, can't draw, look ugly, dun hav money,am not funny, and hav no creativity at all, that's why i dun hav a gf. Im simply too lousy and yet my standard is too high. Standard high doesn't mean i go for looks, but it is just dam freaking hard to find a soul mate. Who is my Miss Right??

Since the first 2 options are not really feasible, im left with the last option and that is to do everything alone. Actually that is not a very hard thing to do, been doing everything alone in the past. Just that im getting used to life with these ppl, now hav to revert back to the old style. To those who are single: Welcome to the Green Club! Where u can lead a carefree life!

But things just gets so crazy living life gets hard to do, and i would gladly hit the roads, get up and go if i knew. That someday it would lead me back to you... (quoted from the song Sunday morning by Maroon 5)

A losing battle...

Yah, I know. It doesn't take very long for me to realised that I am too ambitious. My senses hav signaled to me that the outcome is negative, yet again. Sigh, so used to feeling this way that seems like it is only right. I shdn't hav got myself too close. This trap is so obvious, I shdn't hav allowed myself to fall into it, shd hav escaped while I still can... I need to get out of there before the arrow gets any deeper. Further more, not only do I not hav any advantage, but more ships will sink if I participate. Let's just say that I lack confidence in that area, but I've never won, so u can't blame me, my morale is low. Betray is never an option for me, sacrifice is. If it will be better that way, den so be it. That memory shall never be erased from my head, that feeling will never be lost from my heart.

Thou shall not fight anymore battles, tired of losing.

She could see from my face that I was fucking high. And I don't think that I'll see her again, but we shared a moment that will last till the end... (quoted from the song You're beautiful by James Blunt)

Im getting weak...

Im getting weak physically becos i din do as well as b4 as last time for fitness test. Used to be about to run 2.4km in under 10 mins, but now not anymore. Perhaps it's time i start to train my stamina b4 i go for my IPPT. Been sleeping very little recently also, body hasn't got time to rest well. I shall recharge my battery during the weekends.

Im getting weak mentally becos im starting to feel a bit of stress when i think of all the things that are waiting for me to do. During my interview, i was asked abt my other commitments. I realised that i had joined too many things. Will i hav enough time for my studies? But den again, hav i really cared abt my studies? Hmmm... i still lack the self discipline.

Im getting weak emotionally becos i got too carried away in my own thoughts. Spent too much time thinking abt many frivolous and impossible stuff. Thinking of the outcome of the 2 quiz that i did. Thinking of what artifact to make next. Thinking of how to slack. Thinking of what could hav been. Thinking of what will happen next. Thinking of what to write. Thinking of my Angel... I hav to stop b4 i get too intoxicated with these thoughts. Day dreaming will not get me anywhere or anything.

It's true the way i feel was promised by your face. The sound of your voice painted on my memories. Even if you're not with me, I'm with you... (quoted from the song With you by Linkin Park)

Im feeling gd for a number of reasons...

1. Newcastle finally won their first match
2. Shearer ended his goal drought
3. My play is over
4. My play is a success
5. Found a motivation

A special thanks to the directors, co-actors and backstage crew for their part in courtyard. Really need to thank the audience also for laughing...haha. At first we were dam scared tat the audience wouldn't find the play funny. The laughters really calmed us down and allowed us to put up a gd show. And 1 more thing to the directors and co-actors from my play, im sorry i had to leave earlier. I know i missed the photo taking session. Wasted.

I've been a Newcastle loyal supporter for 10 freaking years!! Even though they din win any cups and titles, i still think tat they ar the best. I really despise ppl who support those clubs jus becos they ar famous, or tat they ar winning. Do they support them becos of their style of play, their culture? Or is it jus becos they ar popular, so they want to follow the crowd?

I have found myself a new motivation. I wonder how long it will last...

I said maybe, you're gonna be the one who saves me. And afterall, you're my wonderwall... (quoted from the song Wonderwall by Oasis)

An autobiography of a villain action figurine...

I had not chosen to be what I am,
why couldn't I be the same as them?
I had always looked at others with envy,
as our young Master favored many.
We were made from the same material,
and yet I always felt inferior.
I yearned to be picked from the shelf,
even though I knew I would hurt myself.
And once again my arms were fallen,
from being thrown against the pillar.
But this time round, Master is bent,
and he refused to fix me back.
I felt unloved, undesired and unwanted,
as I bided farewell to this adopted home.
Emptiness filled me as I lay in the bin,
But then again, I had always felt incomplete.
Laughters and curses had always greeted me,
ever since the day that I was made.
So much pride I had to swallow,
but soon it would all be over.
Now, as I look at the ceiling above, I think to myself,
I should be happy, I have served my purpose.
Finally I'll be free, where I'll embark on my next journey...

I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control. I want a perfect body, I have a perfect soul... (quoted from the song Creep by Radiohead)

A message to an imaginary fren called Angel...

When i first lay my eyes on u, i didn't think that i'll get to know u, and when i got to know u, i wished that i never had the chance.
Just when i thought i can lead a new life, u appeared and disturbed my serenity. I should have kept a distance from u, now im poisoned and there is no remedy.
I'm mesmerized by ur everything; ur smile, ur looks, ur patience, ur innocence, ur temperament, ur enthusiaism, ur thoughts, ur charm...
When i see u, i feel weak and strong at the same time, u gave me strength and life, yet i feel powerless in front of u.
U become the thought on my mind, the air that i breath, no amount of pain can match, the heartache that i had from missing u.
U are like a star above, so high that i can never reach, with so many ppl reaching out to u, i doubt that u will ever shine on me...

I am just a simple guy, dun have money, dun have looks,
all that i ever have is time, which i'll be willing to spend with u...

You remain, my power, my pleasure, my pain! Baby, to me you're like a growing addiction that i can't deny... (quoted from the song Kiss from a rose by Seal)

Lost...

Sometimes i really hate myself. Why can't i hav a clear goal and be a lot more focused?? Dunno why, but my mind really likes to wander. Im always thinking of things tat will never happen. I really need someone or somethings to motivate and push me, and ask me to wake up my idea!! I need some fucking discipline. Hopefully today will be a better day...

Oh, there's one thing i need to add. Im sorry if i asked the wrong question sometimes, be in here or in real life.. pls pardon my insensitivity. I really dun mean to hurt anyone.

And where do you go with no destination, no maps to guild you. Wouldn't you know that it doesn't matter, we all end up the same... (quoted from the song The chronicles of life and death by Good Charlotte)

Where it all begins...

Hi, welcome to my blog. As u can see for urself, this is my first time. Basically I wanted to start a blog is to express my gratitude to all those who had helped me b4, curse all those who had underestimated me, condemn all those whom I despise, and to have a channel to vent my frustrations and express myself.

Firstly, I'll like to thank all those ppl who trusted and hav faith in me. For that, I promise tat I will not let u all down. As for those who hav doubts abt my ability, all I can say is tat u dunno wat u ar missing. If u ar just going to judge me by my appearance and first impression, den sorry, u hav made a big mistake. im sorry if I sounded too cocky, but ask those ppl whom I hav worked wif, u will know tat I may not be a very gd leader, but im an excellent team player.

Secondly, I jus wan to express my displeasure towards certain group of ppl, namely the 'H's, 'P's, 'F's and 'B's... Im not going to say who these groups of ppl ar, go and figure it out urself. All I can say is tat there ar a lot of these kind of ppl around me, and I cannot even stand talking to them. Wat's wrong wif these ppl? Or maybe it is jus me... so wat the hell is wrong wif me?? Seems to me tat although I know a lot of ppl, not many of them can really qualify as good friends. The rest ar either 'friends' or hi-bye friends.. So which one ar u?

I realised tat heaven likes to play tricks on me. Always give me something at first, only to take away everything in the end.There ar times when I think it is over, den suddenly I was given hope, eventually I was left wif nothing but a broken heart. Maybe im jus too emotional. Or perhaps im over sensitive. Whichever the case is, it is not good. And I do know the fact tat u cannot always expect gd things to happen to u... But I even more dun expect all the bad things to befall me!! I think to myself, when was the last time something gd ever happened to me?? I dunno.... seems like the last time im really happy is when I was in secondary school wif my best buddy, and tat was like 6 years ago... I really need a change of luck.

Although im never an actor in my drama club, I think im a very gd actor. Im always acting... sometimes I also cannot tell if im really feeling tat way or am I jus pretending... Hmm...I hate myself too. Im hate it when I acted too well sometimes. There ar times when I need to show, but my acting skill is too gd, fooled everyone... or maybe everyone jus play along wif me.

Lastly, I think tat time passes too fast. I haven had enuff time to do so many things. There ar so many things which I haven tried b4, haven completed and haven known. If only I can turn back time... Wat happened to my innocence? I think I lost it a long long time ago... Where is urs??

Summer has come and past, this innocence can never lasts, wake me up when September ends... (quoted from the song Wake me up when September ends by Greenday)