Down down down...

1. Never offend a woman.
2. It doesn't matter how long u know a person, what matters is how well u know the person.
3. One should never rely too much on his friends.
4. Never lose ur focus.
5. Apology is worthless, can't solve anything.
6. Real friends wun talk behind ur back.
7. True friends will understand and be more considerate when u are having a rough time.
8. Never do things on impulse.
9. Learn to forgive and forget, life will be easier.
10. Ppl changes all the time, some dun even know that they did.

Put a smile on ur face. Dun worry, be happy. =)

Everytime that I look in the mirror, all these lines on my face getting clearer. The past is gone. It went by like dust to dawn. Isn't that the way, everybody's got their dues in life to pay... (quoted from the song Dream on by Aerosmith)

Treasure...

I've always told myself to treasure whatever I have now so that I wun regret if I lose them in the future. Bearing that in mind, I always take good care of whatever I have and is unwilling to relinquish possession of them. Recently I made the biggest decision of my life. I chose to let her go.

The one I loved most, the one whom I spent the most time on over the past 3 years, the one who loved me the most. I've put in so much time, effort and love on her, and yet I let her go. I must be crazy. I must be out of my mind. Almost 3 years of relationship accompanied by many many wonderful, touching and sad memories. There is never a nite I stopped thinking of her, even now. These 2 days, when something suddenly reminded me of her, I'll suddenly freeze and try to recollect the memory, afterwhich I'll feel sad by the thought. My heart feels weak, pain, squashed whenever I think abt the fact that we are no longer together. Whenever I read her blog and found out how sad she is; picked up her call and hear how sad she is, I feel a sense of guilt for making her feel alone and depressed. These sad thoughts made tears welled up in my eyes, made me regret my decision. If it is so painful, then why the hell do I still want to end it???

Anyone who knows me and her will notice something very distinctive. The difference in character. I'm laid back, she's driven; I'm quiet, she's outspoken; I'm calm, she's tempermental. There's a striking difference between the 2 of us. When we dun quarrel, we are very loving. However, when we quarrel, things becomes very different. At the beginning, I was very tolerant. I always tried to calm her down and reasoned with her so that she understand. I've always thought that these quarrels were beneficial to us as we would get to understand each other better and can improve ourselves. However, after so many quarrels, things din get any better. In fact, it got worse. I started to lose my patience, she started to think that my reasonings are crap. Tempers start to flare and things turn nasty. To the extent that I find it was almost impossible for us to communicate anymore. I started to become disillusioned and tired from these quarrels. In spite of all the compromises that we came up with, they din work at all. Sometimes, we do not even have an option or solution. Seriously, after the last quarrel, I asked myself if I can still tolerate this. Both of us are too stubborn and is unwilling to give in at times, resulting in too much hurt and pain on one another.

I really tried my best to make it work. I really did. I keep asking myself what went wrong. Is it me or is it her? Why has my tolerance for her decreased? Is it becos my love for her has decreased? I really dunno. I can't be sure if I wun hurt her again with my words the next time we quarrel again. It greatly saddens me after each quarrel when I thought abt the words that were used on her and me. It is really hurting. I'm not one who give up easily, but I really can't think of a better way for the both of us.

你是我胸口永远的痛
南方天空飘着北方的雪
热情冻结 冷冷风中
你是我胸口永远的痛 永远的痛
昨夜的梦
留给明天 明天
(quoted from the song 你是我胸口永远的痛 by 王杰/林忆莲)

I'm the asshole...

Great, now I'm labelled as the jerk who dumped her. Go on, tell the whole world how heartless I am. How impatient I am with this relationship, and how much I dun love u. If this is how u want to convince urself, go ahead. If hating me will make u happier, just carry on. Seriously, some things never change. I really thought we have reached a mutual understanding. And if u are so resentful to the idea, why dun u show it when I visit u yesterday? Have I not been tolerant enough, or have I been too tolerant, encouraging u to behave like what u always had? I know I haven't been a great bf, but at least I know I've never cause u to worry for me. Other than the mahjong that u loathe so much, have i done any vices that u dun like? Have I not been faithful towards u all these times, even when u are enjoying urself overseas? I'm constantly trying to think of new things to surprise u, to make u happy, not an easy thing to do, but I'm happy whenever I see the smile on ur face. Sometimes, all I ask for is a bit more understanding from u. All the times we say we'll change after each quarrel, but did we?? Whatever compromises that were thought of all gone down the drain. Even when I did what was proposed, it NEVER work. If u just want to assume that I'm happy now, so be it. I dun wish to argue with u anymore. I really thought that it might be better if we just seperate for a while. I thought this absence might make each other realise our love for one another and become stronger. I guess I'm wrong. I should have known that it wun work for u.

Dun bother returning me the puzzle pls. When I was making it, I was so excited. I really piece them up one by one with my heart, not my hands. I know u will be happy to see it and I really wanted u to be happy. It is really urs to keep.

If u really hate it so much.... throw it away.

为什么相爱的人却又为爱而纷
争现实的翅膀扰乱原本幸福的气氛
我有我的过错 我有我的疑惑
藏在面对面的折磨背后
为什么让爱躲进乌云密布的天空
随着风漂流在外一点一点的散落
慢慢远离的梦 渐渐冷却冰封
心痛都当初相遇的心动
(quoted from the song 心动心痛 by 刘耕宏/许慧欣)

Pain...

Really pain. Damn pain. Fucking pain.

The one who stood by me, the one who cared for me, the one who loved me.

What the hell is wrong with me?? I hate myself. I'll never forgive myself.

It really really really really hurts.

坐在没有人的角落我又问自已
究竟应该继续还是该放弃
没有人能了解我现在的心情
想看你想躲你难以决定
(quoted from the song 靠近 by 李圣杰)

Heart...

What happened?

I've said it so many times.

Is it me?

But I'm trying.

Is it you?

Have you learnt?

I wonder.

All my life Ive been searching for something, something never comes, never leads to nothing, nothing satisfies, but Im getting close, closer to the prize at the end of the rope... (quoted from the song All my life by Foo Fighters)

Vincent...

Usually I dun read the msn nick of my contacts, however, one particular nick managed to catch my eye. Tim's nick wrote: "God has unfailing love... I will place my eyes on the Solid Rock... Vincent (always remembered)". I din pay attention to the first part, becos I'm not a Christian. It was the last part that bothered me. I initial a contact with Tim, and eventually I got to know about Vincent...

He passed away yesterday.

Vincent has been a good fren, a superb class rep and a wonderful person. I'm greatly saddened by his departure. I've always remember him as a sociable and cheerful person in class. He was the first to make frens with me in the new class. He has such energy in him that all of us voted for him to be the class rep. Even though it was a short time, I still remember us copying homework together, eating together, laughing at lame jokes together. I still remembered him talking about playing beach volleyball one day in Sentosa... but unfortunately, that day never come.

It saddens me that he had cancer at such an early age, it saddens me that he can no longer fulfil his ambitions, it saddens me that all his battles were in vain, and it saddens me that he has to go at such a young age, 24. Even after diagnosed with cancer, he's still determined to complete his studies. However, due to his conditions, he sometimes had to suspend 1 or 2 semester. The last time I saw him, he looked more ragged, the last time I talked to him, he told me he suffered a relapse. Now, he has left us for good. I regretted not spending more time with him before he left. I thought his condition has stabled, I've never thought that he will be gone so soon. Life is seriously damn unfair. He was a great guy. Why him?? Why cancer?? Why so soon??

Vincent, I hope u know that I've always supported you. I'll miss you, and will always remember your sunshine and affectionate smile... Rest in peace my dear fren.

小时候常常望着窗外的天空
幻想长大以后实现从前走过的美梦
长大后发现世界真的不同
不知该要往哪走
还是停在原地一动也不动
(quoted from the song 小时候 by 南拳妈妈)

Last 3 months...

I always have a thousand and one reasons or excuses not to update my blog, not that most of them are not valid though. It is either no time, tired from school and work, laptop ganna virus, slow internet connections, no photos, blah blah blah... Actually I'm quite fine with not blogging anymore, but it seems like my number 1 fan wants to see more and constantly ask me to update. Therefore, I shall not disappoint her. *wink wink*

June

Dera and me~

Gym bag.... her first.

Butterfly brooch... nice?

There is only 1 important thing to remember, and that is my dera's birthday! I came back from the HK trip with many presents for my dera and her family. I gave her a glass shoe from Disneyland which has her name engraved on it, something which I thought she would like since she loves heels so much. I also got her a gym bag from Adidas, hopefully that will give her a reason to exercise and to accompany me to gym, hehe. There were also the almond biscuits and "Lao Po Bing" for her family. And once again I must apologise for not smuggling back a chicken from HK which her family and her so dearly wanted. Well... seriously, I din know that she was serious when she said it, and yes, I am afraid of the bird flu. Lastly, there was the highly anticipated birthday party for my Dera on 21st!! I finally gave her the last of the gifts I bought for her from HK, a brooch from Swarovski, something that she thought of buying a year ago. The BBQ party was much more tiring than I expected. I'm always busy cooking and bringing food to the guest. Didn't have much time to stay with my baby and entertain her guest. =( I dun mean to be anti-social. Nonetheless, I'm glad that it went quite ok. I learnt a valuable lesson on organising a party and I'm sure I'll be able to do a better job next time.

July
Ever since young, I've always console myself that even though there wasn't any public holiday in the month of July, at least I'll have my birthday to look forward to. Somehow that makes the month seems less boring. Since it was my birthday month, I got member discount from Party World, Levi's, Dockers, Body Shop and GNC. All these discount are supposed to help me save money, however, I ended up spending more than I should!! If not for them, I dun even think I'll be spending. Damn. A thought of celebrating my birthday at Turf City with some of my frens in Singapore Pools come to mind, however, most of them were in HK at that time and I'm lazy to organise. In the end, I'm content to just let my gf plan my activities for the day. I'm so so so so SO THANKFUL to my dera! Even though her pocket money is finishing, she still managed to fork out enuff money to buy 2 tickets to the Sodagreen concert as my birthday present!! (1 for me and the other for her to accompany me) Actually I can't remember when, but I suddenly become crazy about them recently. I started listening to all their songs after I knew how talented they were, also watched their MV on youtube and bought their CDs. Therefore, I can't explain how excited I was when I knew what my dera got me... I'm gg to their concert in Singapore!! And as expected, the concert was superb. The group sang around 25 songs in more than 3 hrs. What's even better was that I was seated near the front, so I can see everything quite clearly. After the concert, undoubtedly my admiration for Sodagreen grew. WOW!!

August
School started for my both my dera and me. Work also starts to get busy due to the kick off of all the various leagues. Sadly, this results in less time for my beloved dera. We had a number of heated arguments and quarrels, but I'm glad that nothing serious come out from it. No matter how much the misunderstanding, how heated the argument is, I'll always ask myself this question: do I still love her? And everytime when I think of the answer, I'll calm myself down and give in to her. Nothing else would matter anymore. I simply love her too much. There's no one whom I'm willing to sacrifice for and that no one else has ever sacrifice so much for me.
A number of other things happened in August. So Singapore managed to win another silver medal in the Olympics, why do I not feel proud at all? I wonder if there will ever be a time where a local born resident can win even a bronze medal in the future Olympic games. Sports is really quite dead in Singapore, and one can only blame the society that we live in. Talking about sports, I find it increasing hard to find ppl to play a game of soccer. I'm craving for more matches, especially after I scored what I believe was the best goal I've ever had since secondary school; winning a ball from half field, dribbled and sprint past 3 players before rounding the keeper and cooly slot the ball into an empty net for the winning goal. SHIOK!!! That was a major boost to my confidence and I'm really looking forward to more games.

September

Gang of us waiting for the "Star" to arrive

Singapore Pools representative

Really quite saddened by the recent events at Newcastle. Being a magpie fan for more than 10 years, I'm as passionate abt the magpies as any Geordie. However, the leaving of KK and the transfer activities really leave me fuming and dishearted. I do think abt not supporting them anymore, but I know that there is no other club that I'll be passionate abt. Pleeeeease, someone save Newcastle from Mike Ashley and Dennis Wise!!
We just had a surprise birthday party for John yesterday. Really wish him a happy 23th birthday. The shocked, surprised, unbelievable look on his face tells us that the plan was a success. Nothing beats a surprise. Seriously, that's what frens are for. There's no need for anything spectacular, sometimes simple things can also touch ppl's hearts. Looking at the party reminded me of the last bday party which I had had 4 years ago on my 21st. It wasn't a surprise party, but nonetheless I was touched that many of my frens took the time and trouble to come down. I truly appreciate it when someone even bother to come and attend. It makes me feel honoured, I'm sure John feels that way too.

And I’ll taste every moment, and live it out loud, I know this is the time, this is the time. To be more than a name, or a face in the crowd, I know this is the time, this is the time of my life... (quoted from the song The time of my life by David Cook)