Pesticide...

I've rid the world of 1 pest. That should be considered a good deed. While I am trying my best to be a guardian watching over her, I realised that I'm nothing more than a pest. The worse thing about people who are irritating is that they have no idea how annoying they actually are to the others. I'm just glad that I figured it out sooner rather than later. Stop making a fool of myself. In fact, what do I hope to achieve by doing so? Nothing is gonna happen. WAKE UP!! Stop dreaming and hoping! She no longer love me since the day we broke. We are just friends. Friends. This word hurts. The first part to letting go is to acknowledge and face the truth. I've learnt to accept that whatever that is been said in the past is just gonna be a distant memory, nothing more than a broken promise. Live with it, and move on. Now come the hardest part: letting go. I simply could not live with the idea of being just friends. My heart refuse to accept this new form of relationship. NO!! It's killing me, poisoning me, feeding me with futile hopes, causing me to wake up each day with continuing pain and misery. My body is weakening, my mind is corrupted, my soul is broken. No one realises the changes in me most except for myself. I can't focus and my attention span is super low these days. My temper is getting from bad to worse. Nowadays I'm deriving joy from irritating customers when I'm working. I might need anger management, my Dad obviously being one of the first victims and expressed his displeasure towards my recent behaviour. I used to be a very patient and sensitive man, and now I've lost them too. I always felt that something is missing, but I can't quite figure out what it is. Maybe I need a goal or something. I dun really like the new me, however, is there really a need for me to change? Perhaps I've more suited for this kind of style. Who gives a shit anyways??

Hmmm...

What if I say I'm not like the others? What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays? You're the pretender. What if I say I will never surrender? (quoted from the song The pretender by Foo Fighters)